goofy horse
HORSEY HUMOR

Horse Hair: Potentially Dangerous!!!

In a press release today, the National Institute of Health has announced the discovery of a potentially dangerous substance in the hair of horses.This substance, called "amo-bacter equuii" has been linked with the following symptoms in female humans:

Reluctance to cook
Reluctance to perform housework
Reluctance to wear anything but boots
Reluctance to work except in support of a horse

Physical craving for contact with horses (may be an addiction)

Beware: If you come in contact with a female human affected by this substance, be prepared to talk about horses for hours on end.

This has been a public service announcement.

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A letter from your horse (original version):

When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.
When you are short tempered, let me teach you to be patient.
When you are short sighted, let me teach you to see.
When you are quick to react, let me teach you to be.
When you are angry, let me teach you to be serene.
When you feel superior, let me teach you to be respectful.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to think of greater things.
When you are arrogant, let me teach you humility.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion.
When you are tired, let me carry the load.
When you need to learn, let me teach you.
After all, I am your horse.

And now, the REAL DEAL.....
When you are tense, let me teach you that there are lions in them thar woods and we need to leave NOW!
When you are short tempered, let me teach you to slog around the pasture for an hour before you can catch me.
When you are short sighted, let me teach you to figure out where, exactly, in the 40 acres I am hiding.
When you are quick to react, let me teach you that herbivores kick much faster & harder than omnivores.
When you are angry, let me teach you how well I can stand on my hind feet because I don't feel like cantering on my right lead today.
When you are worried, let me entertain you with my mystery lameness.
When you feel superior, let me teach you that, mostly, you are the maid service.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to PAY ATTENTION. Remember? I told you about those lions in them thar woods?
When you are arrogant, let me teach you what 1200 lbs. Of "YAHOO LETS GO!" can do when suitably inspired.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion. Let's do lunch.. Also, breakfast, snack and dinner.
When you are tired, don't forget the 600lbs.of grain that needs to be unloaded.
When you are feeling financially secure, let me teach you the meaning of "Veterinary Services".
When you want to learn, hang around, bud. I'll learn ya.

Sincerely,
Your Horse

Appy

Top Ten Spook List
By the Horse

10. Blowing Paper
"At any moment it could whip up into our faces, covering our noses. We could suffocate. And don't try to tell us you'd do CPR."
9. Barking Dogs
" What? You've never read Steven King's CUJO?"
8. Puddles of Water
"Quicksand."
7. Trash Cans
"They've been known to swallow horses and transport them into another dimension."
6. Babies and Lil Kids
"Long lost tribe of horse-eating pygmies."
5. Plaid Horse Blankets
"Hey, when was the last time you wore plaid? It adds at least 100 lbs."
4. Ropes and Hoses on the Ground
"Dreaded North American trail snakes."
3. Ponies.
"Cute, clever, hardy. They want to take over the World."
2. Windy Days.
"Two words: impending tornado." And the number one scary thing in the minds of horses?
1. Carts and Wagons
Look. You put a human on our backs, we can always buck them off. But hitching a horse to a wheeled object. It's just not right. No matter how fast the horse trots, the dang cart is still running after him. Oh, the Horror!!!

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Should You keep the Husband or the Horse?

HUSBAND ADVANTAGES:

Husbands cost less to shoe than horses.
Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of putting up hay.
A lame husband can still work.
You don't have to chase them to get them to come inside.
If your husband gets a stomach ache you don't have to walk him all night.
Husbands may run up bills but they also help pay them.
Husbands load easily into your vehicle.
Husbands don't have to be fitted with saddles.
You don't have to clip or bath them or trim thier feet.
Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back.
Husbands don't panic - running and yelling all through the house when you leave them alone.
Husbands don't like the lady next door just as well as you, just because she feeds him treats every day.

THE HORSE'S ADVANTAGE:

You never have to iron thier clothes.
You never have to divorce them you can just sell them.
Clothing repairs do not require sewing, just duct tape.
You never have to share the TV or Computer with them.
You can force them to stay in good physical condition.
They may turn grey but NEVER go bald.
They don't come with in-laws.
They understand restraint.
They don't care what you look like as long as you have a carrot or an apple.
A simple fence keeps them in thier OWN pasture.
They never leave the lid up on the bathroom stool.
They don't burp or keep you up all night snoring.

Appy

You Know You're A Horse Person When...

Someone says, "Does anyone have a screwdriver?" and you hand them a hoofpick.
You are unreasonably pleased to get a horse item, ANY horse item, as a gift. "They really cared!!!"
You stop channel surfing at Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.
Books and movies are ruined for you if horsemanship references are incorrect.
You talk to the horses like they were kids.
All of your favorite stories involve all your falls off horses, and other near death experiences and you actually LAUGH about the time you got dragged around the field by a spooked horse!
You RUSH to the front window to watch the horses run & buck in the pasture, even if you're in the middle of a meal. Good, clean fun!
You save every horse magazine you have ever bought.
You stay up until two in the morning walking a colicky horse whose name you don't know and whose owner you've never met.
When your ideal birthday weekend extravaganza consists of going to two days worth of horse shows.

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How to Take a Photo of Your Foal

1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from foal's mouth and throw in corner of lot.
3. Remove foal from corner and brush dirt from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Coax foal into pre-focused spot and return to camera.
7. Find foal again.
8. Forget about pre-focused spot and remove camera from tripod.
9. Chase around after foal, trying to look nonchalant.
10.Focus with one hand and fend off foal with the other hand.
11.Get tissue and clean nose print from camera lens.
12.Find foal again.
13.Unfold tripod from scrambled mess in dirt.
14.Find foal again.
15.Put cat in tack room and put peroxide on scratch on foal's nose.
16.Find foal again.
17.Try to get foal's attention by squeaking a toy over your head.
18.Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
19.Fix a drink.
20.Sit back, relax and drink and resolve to teach foal "whoa" and "stand" first thing in the morning.

Appy

I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came and unplugged it. Thank Goodness for heroes!

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Top Ten Ways to Get Rid of Your Farrier

  1. Always wait until the last minute to schedule your shoeing appointments.
  2. Do not handle your horses' feet at all. Especially the young ones.
  3. Make sure your horses are loose in the pasture when your farrier arrives. The larger the pasture the better.
  4. Read horse magazines so you can instruct your farrier on the latest shoeing techniques.
  5. Fill the shoeing area with as many obstructions as possible. Dogs and children count extra.
  6. Be sure and feed the other horses while the farrier is working.
  7. Lead the horses through mud before bringing them to be trimmed or shod.
  8. Don't clean your stalls and don't use fly spray.
  9. Complain about the bill shortly after pointing out the high price of your new truck, daughter's horse, boat, etc.
  10. Delay paying the bill as long as possible.

Appy

IDENTIFICATION OF THE FEMALE EQUESTRIAN

Easy to locate, she's either off on the horse or out in the barn.
Upholds the double standard: smooches with the most bewhiskered beast, but recoils when hubby needs a shave.
Owns one vacuum cleaner and operates it exclusively in the barn.
Economy minded: won't waste money on permanents, facials or manicures.
A culinary perfectionist: checks every section of hay for mold but doesn't blink when she petrifies dinner in the microwave.
Easy to outfit: no need for embarrassing visits to uncomfortable little boutiques. You can find all she wears at your local tack store.
Features a selective sense of smell: bitterly complains about hubby's sticky-sweet cigar smoke, while remaining totally oblivious to the almost visible aroma of her barn boots drying next to the heater.
A master at multiplication: she starts with one horse, adds a companion, and if it's a mare, she breeds it.
Socially aware: knows that formal occasions call for clean boots.
Easy to please: a new wheelbarrow, custom boots or even a folding hoof pick will win her heart forever.
Shows her affection in unusual ways: if she pats you on the neck and says "you're a good boy," believe it or not, she loves you!

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A HORSEPERSON'S GLOSSARY

Auction: A popular social gathering where you can change your horse from a liability to an asset
Colic: Gastrointestinal result of eating at horse-show food stands
Colt: What your mare gives you when you want a filly
Endurance ride: End result when your horse spooks and runs away with you
Feed: Expensive substance used to manufacture manure
Fence: Decorative structure built to provide your horse something to chew on
Grooming: Fine art of removing dirt from your horse's body and applying it to your own
Hock: Financial condition of all horse owners
Longeing: Popular training method in which a horse exercises his owner by spinning him in circles until dizzy
Pinto: Green coat pattern found on a freshly-washed gray horse left unattended in the stall for 10 minutes
Rasp: Abrasive metal tool used to remove excess skin from knuckles
Stall: What your rig does at rush hour in an unfamiliar city on the way to a horse show

Appy

BITS OF COWBOY WISDOM

"The best way to get a cowboy to do something is to suggest he is too old for it."
"Nobody but cattle know why they stampede and they ain't talking."
"Never drop your Winchester to hug a grizzly."
"One good sharp knife is worth two of almost anything else, except women and horses, of course."
"Never trust a man who agrees with you. He's probably wrong."
"If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, best take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there."
"Always feed your horses and take time for your friends."
"A man on foot is no man at all."
"A good horse is never a bad color."
"A pair of six-shooters beats a pair of aces."
"If you can't squat with your spurs on, you ain't a real cowboy."
"Learn to speak kind words--nobody resents them."
"I am what I want to be."
"Careful is a naked man climbing a barbed wire fence."
"Always ride the horse in the direction it's going."
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"Don't wear woolly chaps in sheep country during the breeding season."
"Only a fool argues with a skunk, a mule or a cook."
"It ain't so much a matter of not knowing, as it is a matter of knowing so much that ain't so."
"Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much." --John Wayne
"One thing I'll say fer the West is that in this country there is more cows and less butter, more rivers and less water, and you can look farther and see less than in any other place in the world."--Anonymous Rancher
"A man is not born a cowboy; He becomes one."
"Its a mistake to drive black cattle in the dark."
"Some people grin and bear it. Other people smile and change it."
"An old timer is a man who's had a lot of interesting experiences -- some of them true."
"Every cowboy thinks he knows more than every other cowboy. But the only thing they all know for sure is when's payday and where's grub." --LLRoyster
"Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now if nobody is around, we use our fingers." --Will Rogers
"The dog is the protector and friend of every person in the earth." --Crow Proverb
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please." --Mark Twain
"You raise kids, dogs, and horses all the same."--Ray Farmer

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A prospective buyer looks over Attaboy and could find nothing wrong with the horse. He asked the owner, "How come you want to sell him so cheap?" The owner said, "I'm bored with him. He's a show-off. He's an actor. When they take his picture after a win, he turns his profile. When they play a fanfare, he starts to dance. He even whinnies to music." The prospective buyer said, "Those antics could be cute. I'll buy him." The owner said, "Okay, Attaboy, get up and do your 'lame' impression."

Appy

Welcome to Horse-Aholic's Anonymous

I AM a horse-aholic. I would like to welcome all of you to this month's meeting of Horse-aholic Anonymous. Some of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you. You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and don't really need any help. It is not easy to admit that you are a horse-aholic and it is even harder to bring yourself to a HA meeting for help. HA is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask. If you can answer YES to more than three of the following, you have come to the right place.

1. Can you say "sheath" in public without blushing?
2. Do you drive a big truck with a towing package when everyone else drives a real car?
3. Do you have more than one vehicle? One for you and one for the horses?
4. Do you spend your holidays going to shows, clinics and seminars when everyone else goes on a cruise?
5. If you do go overseas, is it to a riding vacation in Ireland or to Spruce Meadows to watch the Grand Prix?
6. Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?
7. Do you consider formal wear to be clean jeans and freshly scraped boots?
8. Is your interior decorator State Line Tack?
9. Was your furniture and carpeting chosen with your horses in mind?
10. Are your end tables really tack trunks with tablecloths thrown over them?
11. Do you know the meaning of _____________?
12. Is your mail made up primarily of horse catalogs and horse magazines?
13. Do you get up before dawn to ride? Go to horse shows? Clinics? [but have trouble getting up for "work?"]
14. If you do have dresses, do they all have pockets? Do those pockets often contain bits of carrot, hay, or sweet feed?
15. When you meet a new person do you always ask them what kind of horse they have and pity them if they don't have one?
16. Do you remember the name of their horse sooner than you remember their name?
17. Do you find non-horse people boring?

If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope. If you answered YES to two, you are in serious trouble. My advice to all of you with three or more YES's is to sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you, and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and good horses and it will never be boring.

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A Cowboy Prayer

May your horse never stumble,
Your spurs never rust,
May your guts never grumble,
Your cinch never bust!
May your boots never pinch,
Your crops never fail,
While you eat lots of beans,
And stay out of JAIL!

Appy

Top Ten Things You Won't Hear Your Horse Say

10. Don't clean out my stall, I adore the smell.
9. No thanks, one can of oats is enough for me.
8. Doctor, may I please have a rectal exam.
7. I just love traveling in a hot trailer.
6. Mr. Farrier, please don't stop pounding on my hooves.
5. There's room for one more on my back.
4. I feel like galloping another 20 miles.
3. Low branch! Duck!
2. You can go ahead and leave, I'll wash myself down.
1. Can we do this again tomorrow??

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What do classified terms really mean?

  • Nicely Started: lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
  • Top Show Horse: won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusual low entries due to a hurricane
  • Home Bred: knows nothing except being raised on the front porch
  • Recently Vetted: someone else found something badly wrong with the horse
  • Big Boned: good thing horse has mane & tail or he would be mistaken for a cow
  • Well Mannered: hasn't stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
  • Professionally Trained: hasn't stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month
  • Should Mature 16 hands: currently 13h, dam is 14.2h, sire is 15h, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15h but this horse will definitely defy his DNA and grow
  • To Good Home Only: not really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth, 2) allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night, 3) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document
  • Athletic: runaway
  • Needs intermediate Rider: runaway
  • Needs Experienced Rider: "dead" runaway
  • Dead Quiet: just dead
  • No Vices: especially when he wears his muzzle
  • Light Cribber: we can't afford to build any more barns & fences for the buzz saw
  • No Time For Him: he's lucky to be fed
  • Excellent Disposition: never been out of his stall
  • Clips, hauls, and Loads: Clippity, clippity is the sound his hooves make when he hauls a$$ across the parking lot when you try to load him
  • Good Broodmare prospect: not even a chance she's rideable
  • Daughter outgrown: she's into boys now
  • "Hey cowboys, here's one for you": only if you're into bucking stock
  • Big circle horse: can't turn in 240 acres
  • Great stops: slams those shoulders and launches rider every time!
  • Easy to catch: in a 10 X 10 stall
  • Easy to load: only takes 3 hours, 4 men and a tractor with loader
  • Spirited: Loves to run all out all the time.
  • Good mother: Awful at everything else.
  • Protective mother: Don't even think about getting near that baby until weaning time.
  • Has beautiful babies: good, because she's plug ugly herself.
  • Pasture horse: He'll kick a new door in your stall to get out.
  • Spectacularly marked: Horrible conformation, pretty spots.
  • Used to race: Still does, unless firmly tied to a tree.
  • Owner getting out of the business: Owner is tired of dealing with this ignorant monster.
  • Works well off his rear: because the front is usually off the ground.
  • Must sell due to financial situation: horse is costing me a fortune in bute and supplements.
  • Puppy dog temperament: has no manners, but is cute, so it's ok.
  • Always in the ribbons: 10th place....out of 10 riders.
  • Wonderful Halter prospect: bred for beauty...not brains

Appy

Three horses are in the same stable one day and start bragging about how many races they've won. The first says "Of the last 15 races I've ran, I've won 8 of them!" The other horses agree that this is a good score. The second says "Well, of the last 24 races I've ran, I've won 16!" Again, the horses agree that this is pretty good. Finally the last one says "Well, of the last 36 races I've ran, I've won 27!" The horses think that is a great score. A greyhound dog who was sitting back and listening came forward and said "I don't mean to brag, but of the last 90 races I've ran I've won 80." The horses are clearly amazed as they stare at the old dog. Finally, one of them speaks. "WOW!", he says, "A talking dog!"

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A Horse's View of the World

Arena: Place where humans can take the fun out of forward motion.
Bit: Means by which a rider's every motion is transmitted to the sensitive tissues of the mouth.
Bucking: counterirritant
Crossties: Gymnastic apparatus.
Dressage: Process by which some riders can eventually be taught to respect the bit.
Fence: Barrier that protects good grazing.
Grain: Sole virtue of domestication.
Hitching rail: Means by which to test one's strength.
Horse trailer: Mobile cave bear den.
Hotwalker: The lesser of two evils.
Jump: An opportunity for self-statement.
Latch: Type of puzzle.
Longeing: Procedure for keeping a prospective rider at bay.
Owner: Human assigned responsibility for one's feeding.
Rider: Owner overstepping its bounds.
Farrier: Disposable surrogate owner; useful for acting out aggression without compromising food supply.
Trainer: Owner with mob connections.
Veterinarian: Flightless albino vulture.

Appy

Dandy Darlin'
By B.K. England

My wife she has a Quarter Horse, with flaxen mane and tail,
She thinks he is the finest thing, that ever jogged a rail.

She calls him Dandy Darlin', and if the truth I tell,
That fancy pampered Quarter Horse, has made my life pure H***.

My wife she used to cook for ME, and serve it with champagne,
Now she'd rather feed that horse, and fix his special grain.

She rides him every morning, and grooms him half the night,
The last time that she kissed ME, it was just to be polite.

He dresses better, with blanket, wraps and ties,
My wardrobe's so neglected now, that I attract the files.

One day my wife was shopping, she was down at the Mall,
And that fancy pampered Darlin', was standing in his stall.

He looked so smug and sassy, that I began to grin,
I'd saddle that FAT bugger, and take him for a spin.

I've wondered since, if cues I gave, he might have misconstrued,
For when I climbed aboard that horse, he rightly came UNGLUED.

He bucked and spun and snorted fire, and threw me through the fence,
I saw BIG stars and lost six teeth that I ain't heard from since.

My wife came home and saw me, just a lying in the dirt,
She rushed up to her HORSE and asked him, Sweetheart, are you hurt?

He'd scratched his nose a little bit, and the memory burns me yet,
She left me lying in the dirt, and ran to call the VET!

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An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative but very curious…. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Appy

A bay is hardy, a chestnut is fast
and you can't kill a buckskin: he'll last and last
a grey is gentle, a sorrel is hot,
a dun is a horse you'll be happy you bought
white eyes are flights, white feet may crack
while some won't rely on the feet of a black.
some pintos are lucky, like the medicine hat
but all horsemen agree the best color is fat.

-ANONYMOUS

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Crowd Pleaser

Being a cowboy hero has
Always been one of my plans-
To perform in the Rodeo arena
For thousands of cheering fans.

But choosing an event isn't easy-
Each one is fraught with perils.
But my dream came true, and now
I drive the truck that picks up the barrels.

-Rod Miller, Sandy, Utah

Appy

Murphy's Horse Laws

  • There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat.
  • No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.
  • The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.
  • A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.
  • Your favorite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn.
  • Tack you hate will never wear out and blankets you hate cannot be destroyed.
  • Horses you hate cannot be sold and will out live you.
  • Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped.
  • If you approach within fifty feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty.
  • The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your barn.
  • Your barn will fall down without baling twine.
  • Hoof picks always run away from home.
  • If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury.

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Sign outside a riding stable:
"We have big horses for big folks, small horses for small folks, slow horses for people who like to ride slow, and for folks who have never ridden before, we have horses who have never been ridden."

Appy

One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, i'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two, then three hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

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A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse is gone. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling, and yells, "All right, which one of you stole my hoss?!" No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer, and if my hoss aint outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." So he sits down, drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, "Say Pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him and says, "I done walked home."

Appy

It was a sunny afternoon when Bob said to George, "Hey, George, why don't we get ourselves two horses? We could ride them in the summer, and in the winter we could put them in the paddock behind the house." George thought it was a great idea, so the next day they went out and bought themselves two horses. They rode in the summer, but when winter came George got worried. He said, "Hey, Bob, how are we going to tell them apart next spring?" Bob said, "Well, I'll shave the mane off mine, and you shave the tail off yours." This satisfied George, so he did. The next spring when they went back to get their horses they found their horses' hair had all grown back. Alarmed, George said, "Oh great, now how are we going to tell them apart?" and Bob said, "Well, you can have the black one and I'll take the white one."

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THE HORSE'S LIST OF NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS...

1. I CAN walk and poop at the same time - I can, I can, I can!
2. I will NOT stop and poop or urinate every time I pass the same spot in the arena.
3. I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.
4. My stall is NOT my litter box. When I have free access to my paddock, I will NOT go back inside to pee.
5. I will NOT roll in streams or try to roll when my human is on my back.
6. I will NOT leap over large non-existent obstacles when the whim strikes.
7. I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.
8. I promise NOT to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back feet.
9. I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer nature's call.
10. I will NOT bite my farrier's butt just because it is there.
11. I will NOT confuse my human's blonde hair for really soft hay.
12. I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human's white shirt.
13. I will NOT blow my nose on my human.
14. I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within a 1 mile radius.
15. I will NOT lay totally flat out in my stall with my eyes glazed over and my legs straight out and pretend I can't hear my human frantically screaming "Are you asleep?"
16. I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.
17. I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure while my human is mucking my stall.
18. I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.
19. I will NOT have an attitude problem - I won't, I won't, I won't!
20. I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I can.
21. I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I WON'T eat or remodel the barn or the new fences.
22. I am NOT a Shin'a'in Battlesteed. I will not act like one.
23. I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I look like a freak.
24. I accept that not every carrot is for me.
25. I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick when a bad/naughty/awful Horsasaurus Monster breathes at me.
26. I will NOT jump in the air and turn 180 degrees every time I see a deer.
27. I will understand that deer are NOT carnivorous.
28. I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.
29. I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the trail ride just to say "Hi".
30. I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.

Appy